The design and UX isn't done, Rob and Abbie, okkurrrr! 😌
tracey_stewart's review against another edition
"Who do I think I am, giving other people advice?" I thought. "I’m not qualified for this! I don’t have it all figured out. What the hell am I doing?"
I was so glad to read that. Because it's going to be the first thought that comes to mind: who are you to tell others how to live their lives? (It was also a pretty funny callback to Admiral Stockdale.)
Who Heather Havrilesky (Dear Polly) is, is someone who has clear vision and isn't afraid to use it, and who has strong opinions and isn't afraid to wield them.
My enjoyment of this book was certainly not injured by the fact that I agreed with a great deal of what she had to say. Example: there's nothing wrong in a life lived without a Significant Other.
(But controlling your brain is not exactly easy. You have to train yourself to romanticize a life outside of men and create a tapestry that’s just as rich without a guy in it. That requires a kind of buoyant solitude that isn’t easy to achieve.
A few things that will make your alone time more buoyant: Inspiring music. A clean space. Regular, vigorous exercise. Great books. A nice bath. A wide range of beverages in the fridge. Friendly pets. Engrossing home projects. Your setting matters! )
I especially loved "Dear Polly, I am trying to figure out how to be less nice. I don’t want to be less generous or less kind, just less nice. You know what I mean—that craven, smiley, oh-gosh-no-of-course-go-ahead-of-me, laughing-at-every-unfunny-joke …veneer. It degrades my life. It has always degraded my life. I am only now starting to understand how much. I’m mad about it." It echoed what I've experienced. I was brought up to be nice – pretend to take no notice of the huge bubo growing out of someone's nose; always give way when someone's barreling toward you; always hold the door for others, regardless of gender… and I've gotten tired of others feeling free to comment on my equivalents of buboes and never giving way to me and dropping doors in my face. I still can't bring myself to be like that – I don't really want to become that – but there are days, and shopping trips, where I'm determined not to #%&! budge.
I like Dear Polly's positivity: "But sometimes you have to let go of your shiny imaginary creations in order to give in to the magic of the real world, which is far more glorious and full of hope than it first appears." She actually does a nice job of counteracting some of the nonsense I have to live with at work. I'm an introvert who can't understand why someone would bellow across an office to the person farthest away from her rather than just picking up the phone and calling that person's extension, or why someone would put the office radio on (loud) and then also put on music on her own computer – but I'm told that everyone else in the office just tunes these things out, and no one is going to do anything about it. (On the bright side, I'm allowed to wear headphones to drown the never-ending babble out, and thus my audiobooks-read count has skyrocketed.) I am an introvert who would genuinely rather stay at home with a book than go to a party, who genuinely preferred to stay in the office and work that day that the office sponsored a field trip to the bowling alley (the quiet was exquisite)… I'm made every day to feel that I'm weird and wrong and need "help" because I don't particularly want to hear the endless inane chatter of my coworkers.
"It’s okay to be an oversensitive freak. Oversensitive freaks tend to overreact. They tend to spin in circles. But they are some of the most loyal, interesting, intense people around, and they just get better as they age. Welcome to the tribe!"
I don’t need to be validated by a woman I've never met. But it's a little like watching Wil Wheaton and Chris Hardwick become more and more successful: these are guys turning their geekiness (their Nerdist tendencies, if you will) into careers, and doing quite well, from what I can see. It's not necessary to my life for them to show that it's "okay" to love things, to be enthusiastic about things – but it is nice.
And the author loves "So You Think You Can Dance." Bonus points.
It is funny, though, that in at least one response she promises the letter-writer that there is absolutely someone out there who is her perfect romantic partner. "Believe that you deserve it, you deserve to be loved. It’s all going to work out just fine." I find that mildly offensive, and I know it is patently untrue. Not the deserving part – the just fine part. I believe I deserve a lot of things – freedom from worry about money, a job in the arts, friends who love Star Trek and Firefly and so on, et cetera et cetera. That doesn't mean I'll ever get any of it. And believing I deserve it doesn't make me feel any better about reality.
It's also funny that one exchange pretty much nails something that happened with an old friend earlier this year.
Eventually, I figured it out; she always assumed my anger and frustration were about her, that I was angry at her, and not just lonely or depressed. Sure, I wrote her letters. I ranted and I raged. But that only confirmed her suspicion that I was unstable. What worked was saying, "I am in a shitty mood this morning. It’s not about you, so don’t think that it is, okay? I love you. Just be patient with me." And once I could say that to her, and she could hear me, it changed everything.
Yeah. Real life – not like that.
"She’ll either come around or she won’t, but if you really care, don’t give up." – No. At a certain point, persisting in trying to maintain a relationship the other person has flushed away is just pointless and serves only to keep old wounds open. And to annoy the other person. Like trying to teach a pig to sing.
Now the women I admire the most are women who never pretend to be different than they are. Women like that express their anger. They admit when they’re down. They don’t beat themselves up over their bad moods. They allow themselves to be grumpy sometimes. They grant themselves the right to be grouchy, or to say nothing, or to decline your offer without a lengthy explanation.
Again, this ≠real life.
This sort of pep talk is not, in the end, all that helpful, I don't think. In the short term, it's great – "You're right! You're great! It'll all be just fine!" In the longer term, though, doesn't it just make matters worse? "But … I was promised that it would all be just fine! Why isn't it? Does everyone else in the world make it to just fine and it's only me that's miserable?"
The usual disclaimer: I received this book via Netgalley for review.
I was so glad to read that. Because it's going to be the first thought that comes to mind: who are you to tell others how to live their lives? (It was also a pretty funny callback to Admiral Stockdale.)
Who Heather Havrilesky (Dear Polly) is, is someone who has clear vision and isn't afraid to use it, and who has strong opinions and isn't afraid to wield them.
My enjoyment of this book was certainly not injured by the fact that I agreed with a great deal of what she had to say. Example: there's nothing wrong in a life lived without a Significant Other.
(But controlling your brain is not exactly easy. You have to train yourself to romanticize a life outside of men and create a tapestry that’s just as rich without a guy in it. That requires a kind of buoyant solitude that isn’t easy to achieve.
A few things that will make your alone time more buoyant: Inspiring music. A clean space. Regular, vigorous exercise. Great books. A nice bath. A wide range of beverages in the fridge. Friendly pets. Engrossing home projects. Your setting matters! )
I especially loved "Dear Polly, I am trying to figure out how to be less nice. I don’t want to be less generous or less kind, just less nice. You know what I mean—that craven, smiley, oh-gosh-no-of-course-go-ahead-of-me, laughing-at-every-unfunny-joke …veneer. It degrades my life. It has always degraded my life. I am only now starting to understand how much. I’m mad about it." It echoed what I've experienced. I was brought up to be nice – pretend to take no notice of the huge bubo growing out of someone's nose; always give way when someone's barreling toward you; always hold the door for others, regardless of gender… and I've gotten tired of others feeling free to comment on my equivalents of buboes and never giving way to me and dropping doors in my face. I still can't bring myself to be like that – I don't really want to become that – but there are days, and shopping trips, where I'm determined not to #%&! budge.
I like Dear Polly's positivity: "But sometimes you have to let go of your shiny imaginary creations in order to give in to the magic of the real world, which is far more glorious and full of hope than it first appears." She actually does a nice job of counteracting some of the nonsense I have to live with at work. I'm an introvert who can't understand why someone would bellow across an office to the person farthest away from her rather than just picking up the phone and calling that person's extension, or why someone would put the office radio on (loud) and then also put on music on her own computer – but I'm told that everyone else in the office just tunes these things out, and no one is going to do anything about it. (On the bright side, I'm allowed to wear headphones to drown the never-ending babble out, and thus my audiobooks-read count has skyrocketed.) I am an introvert who would genuinely rather stay at home with a book than go to a party, who genuinely preferred to stay in the office and work that day that the office sponsored a field trip to the bowling alley (the quiet was exquisite)… I'm made every day to feel that I'm weird and wrong and need "help" because I don't particularly want to hear the endless inane chatter of my coworkers.
"It’s okay to be an oversensitive freak. Oversensitive freaks tend to overreact. They tend to spin in circles. But they are some of the most loyal, interesting, intense people around, and they just get better as they age. Welcome to the tribe!"
I don’t need to be validated by a woman I've never met. But it's a little like watching Wil Wheaton and Chris Hardwick become more and more successful: these are guys turning their geekiness (their Nerdist tendencies, if you will) into careers, and doing quite well, from what I can see. It's not necessary to my life for them to show that it's "okay" to love things, to be enthusiastic about things – but it is nice.
And the author loves "So You Think You Can Dance." Bonus points.
It is funny, though, that in at least one response she promises the letter-writer that there is absolutely someone out there who is her perfect romantic partner. "Believe that you deserve it, you deserve to be loved. It’s all going to work out just fine." I find that mildly offensive, and I know it is patently untrue. Not the deserving part – the just fine part. I believe I deserve a lot of things – freedom from worry about money, a job in the arts, friends who love Star Trek and Firefly and so on, et cetera et cetera. That doesn't mean I'll ever get any of it. And believing I deserve it doesn't make me feel any better about reality.
It's also funny that one exchange pretty much nails something that happened with an old friend earlier this year.
Eventually, I figured it out; she always assumed my anger and frustration were about her, that I was angry at her, and not just lonely or depressed. Sure, I wrote her letters. I ranted and I raged. But that only confirmed her suspicion that I was unstable. What worked was saying, "I am in a shitty mood this morning. It’s not about you, so don’t think that it is, okay? I love you. Just be patient with me." And once I could say that to her, and she could hear me, it changed everything.
Yeah. Real life – not like that.
"She’ll either come around or she won’t, but if you really care, don’t give up." – No. At a certain point, persisting in trying to maintain a relationship the other person has flushed away is just pointless and serves only to keep old wounds open. And to annoy the other person. Like trying to teach a pig to sing.
Now the women I admire the most are women who never pretend to be different than they are. Women like that express their anger. They admit when they’re down. They don’t beat themselves up over their bad moods. They allow themselves to be grumpy sometimes. They grant themselves the right to be grouchy, or to say nothing, or to decline your offer without a lengthy explanation.
Again, this ≠real life.
This sort of pep talk is not, in the end, all that helpful, I don't think. In the short term, it's great – "You're right! You're great! It'll all be just fine!" In the longer term, though, doesn't it just make matters worse? "But … I was promised that it would all be just fine! Why isn't it? Does everyone else in the world make it to just fine and it's only me that's miserable?"
The usual disclaimer: I received this book via Netgalley for review.
carolynaugustyn's review against another edition
3.0
I usually enjoy advice essay based books but I didn't really dig this one as much. Some of the answers/essays really spoke to me and I found the words to be spot on and touching. Some of the advice I didn't enjoy or didn't relate to or just simply didn't care about. I felt bad but I found myself thinking "Really, that's your biggest issue?" and I HATED feeling that way. But something about some of the pieces rubbed me the wrong way and I didn't find myself enjoying the full journey. There were absolutely some moments of greatness in here but not enough for me to really love this collection.
niniane's review against another edition
3.0
The prose is good, and the writer includes some of her own anecdotes. But I have quickly forgotten most of it.
dcmr's review against another edition
3.0
Not for me. I think this book is bold and frank, but geared to a younger demographic (20-30 yrs).
laynescherer's review against another edition
5.0
I’m a fan of Havrilesky’s Dear Polly column on The Cut, and I picked this up at a time where I reading through a compilation of her responses was needed mix of comfort, humor, and encouragement with heavy sides of expletives and superlatives.
kittykornerlibrarian's review against another edition
4.0
This is written in a Q & A format... it's the Ask Polly column that has been published in a couple of online publications. While I enjoyed the author's confident take on giving advice and especially her strong writing style, I wondered if I might enjoy it more taking it in smaller installments than reading it straight through. It did surprise me how convoluted and messy all the questions seemed to be. But "Polly" always writes long, thoughtful answers to the question being asked as well as to address the context around the question. This was an outrageously fun read.
aubrigail's review against another edition
4.0
I love the Ask Polly column - and this book is wonderful - touching, hilarious, profanity-laced. I highly recommend it and her weekly advice column (and all the previous columns on The Cut and The Awl).
flower_mail's review against another edition
4.0
So many actually helpful pieces of advice here. So much of what Heather wrote connected to things I've discussed recently with my therapist or things that I read that also resonated with me.
With that said, I did think Heather engaged in some gender essentialism and generalization ("all men are X; women feel...") that I think took away from her otherwise nuanced and thoughtful advice.
--
"What you do for a living doesn't have to define you. Being an idealist is worthless unless you have a strategy for sustaining yourself and aiming for a more conscientious way of living."
"Acts of malice stay with the body. They are not easily forgotten." (See also: The Body Is Not an Apology, Between the World and Me.)
"Let's try this: If I told you that you would never, ever fall in love again, what kind of a plan would you make to ensure your own happiness moving forward? What would you work toward? What would you do more of? I bet that you'd have to give up on some big dreams that you care about a lot. But I also bet that giving up some of those things might add up to a weird kind of freedom. [...] You need to stop making room in your life for someone else's love and start making room for yourself instead. When you feel proud of yourself and care for yourself, you won't worry about betrayal as much. When you imagine a beautiful life even in the absence of romantic love, finding love or losing it again won't seem nearly as scary." (See also: Jenny Slate tweet: As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love.)
"I used to date men who were obsessed with their creative projects. After a while I realized that I didn't want them. I wanted to be them. I thought being close to that energy would be enough."
"Fuck wondering if you're lovable. Fuck asking someone else, 'Am I there yet?' Fuck listening for the answer. Fuck waiting, alone, for a verdict that never comes. Don't grow up to be one of those women with a perpetual question mark etched into her brow: Am I good? Am I lovable? Am I enough? You are here. Sit down. Feel your potential in this moment. You have accepted too little for too long. That is changing today. Breathe in. Draw a picture of yourself. Tape it to the wall, with the words 'YOU ARE HERE.' You are here. Cherish yourself."
"Other people will always appear to move with dedication and consequence. How else does one behave when people are watching?"
"With writing, with comedy, with everything, you're about as talented as you think you are most of the time. People are so delusional about talent, as if you're either pure magic or made of nothing. You know which people think that way? Talentless people. Those who strive, who create who work hard? They know that about 50 percent of talent comes from working your ass off and other 50 percent comes from cultivating an extreme arrogance around your particular flavors of genius. [...] Having it is sometimes as easy as saying, 'DAMN I'M GOOD,' over and over again."
"I don't think you were made to follow men around, to wait for their cues, and to cower in the presence of creative people. I think you're doing these things out of habit. You think it's audacious to stand up for your talents, to boldly proclaim yourself a writer and take the life that you want and tell the life you don't want to fuck off. Stop being grateful for scraps."
"When you are at yoga class, pay attention. Do you tell yourself that you're mediocre at yoga the whole time? Or do you look inside for your feelings. Do you do a stretch and think, 'Christ, this hurts!' I am so inflexible still!' Or do you think, 'I am here, trying. I am a person who tries. I do what I fucking can. It's okay to just try.'" (See also: that journal entry you wrote about child's pose and your brain saying it hurts but actually your muscles are being activated and that's making you better)
"Life is not about knowing. Life is about feeling your way through the dark. If you say, 'This should be lighter by now,' you're shutting yourself off from your own happiness. So let there be darkness. Get down on your knees, and crawl through the dark. Crawl and say to yourself, 'Holy GOD, it's dark, but just look at me crawl! I can crawl like a motherfucker.'"
With that said, I did think Heather engaged in some gender essentialism and generalization ("all men are X; women feel...") that I think took away from her otherwise nuanced and thoughtful advice.
--
"What you do for a living doesn't have to define you. Being an idealist is worthless unless you have a strategy for sustaining yourself and aiming for a more conscientious way of living."
"Acts of malice stay with the body. They are not easily forgotten." (See also: The Body Is Not an Apology, Between the World and Me.)
"Let's try this: If I told you that you would never, ever fall in love again, what kind of a plan would you make to ensure your own happiness moving forward? What would you work toward? What would you do more of? I bet that you'd have to give up on some big dreams that you care about a lot. But I also bet that giving up some of those things might add up to a weird kind of freedom. [...] You need to stop making room in your life for someone else's love and start making room for yourself instead. When you feel proud of yourself and care for yourself, you won't worry about betrayal as much. When you imagine a beautiful life even in the absence of romantic love, finding love or losing it again won't seem nearly as scary." (See also: Jenny Slate tweet: As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love.)
"I used to date men who were obsessed with their creative projects. After a while I realized that I didn't want them. I wanted to be them. I thought being close to that energy would be enough."
"Fuck wondering if you're lovable. Fuck asking someone else, 'Am I there yet?' Fuck listening for the answer. Fuck waiting, alone, for a verdict that never comes. Don't grow up to be one of those women with a perpetual question mark etched into her brow: Am I good? Am I lovable? Am I enough? You are here. Sit down. Feel your potential in this moment. You have accepted too little for too long. That is changing today. Breathe in. Draw a picture of yourself. Tape it to the wall, with the words 'YOU ARE HERE.' You are here. Cherish yourself."
"Other people will always appear to move with dedication and consequence. How else does one behave when people are watching?"
"With writing, with comedy, with everything, you're about as talented as you think you are most of the time. People are so delusional about talent, as if you're either pure magic or made of nothing. You know which people think that way? Talentless people. Those who strive, who create who work hard? They know that about 50 percent of talent comes from working your ass off and other 50 percent comes from cultivating an extreme arrogance around your particular flavors of genius. [...] Having it is sometimes as easy as saying, 'DAMN I'M GOOD,' over and over again."
"I don't think you were made to follow men around, to wait for their cues, and to cower in the presence of creative people. I think you're doing these things out of habit. You think it's audacious to stand up for your talents, to boldly proclaim yourself a writer and take the life that you want and tell the life you don't want to fuck off. Stop being grateful for scraps."
"When you are at yoga class, pay attention. Do you tell yourself that you're mediocre at yoga the whole time? Or do you look inside for your feelings. Do you do a stretch and think, 'Christ, this hurts!' I am so inflexible still!' Or do you think, 'I am here, trying. I am a person who tries. I do what I fucking can. It's okay to just try.'" (See also: that journal entry you wrote about child's pose and your brain saying it hurts but actually your muscles are being activated and that's making you better)
"Life is not about knowing. Life is about feeling your way through the dark. If you say, 'This should be lighter by now,' you're shutting yourself off from your own happiness. So let there be darkness. Get down on your knees, and crawl through the dark. Crawl and say to yourself, 'Holy GOD, it's dark, but just look at me crawl! I can crawl like a motherfucker.'"
nyssahhhh's review against another edition
4.0
Thanks, Polly, for being so blunt and thoughtful.
Fave lines:
66: So this is what I'd advise: three or four dates of rolling with it--not to lure a hapless motherfucker into some elaborate trap, but to protect yourself form feeling like a beggar.
Because you aren't a beggar! You should never feel that way! Even if you feel a little disingenuous saying, "I'm trying to avoid getting too invested over the wrong person," when you feel like you're already in love with the person in front of you, that's okay. You should be more cautious about falling in love too quickly, shouldn't you? You shouldn't invest in the wrong guy prematurely. What if he's kind of a dick on the third date? What if, when you do sleep together, the sex isn't great and it doesn't improve over time? And you're already semi-committed? ... When you know what you want, you have to keep your heart and your eyes wide open. You have to be willing to fall in love, but you also have to be willing to step back and say, "No way, this is not a good choice for me," before it's too late. If you're walking around lamenting all the noncommittal guys,that's going to distract you from the fact that you still get to choose. It's completely natural to think, "Oh my Christ, these guys with their loner bullshit!" It's like noticing that the sky is blue. But don't let that make you forget your value. Don't feel like you're asking permission from someone else just to get a tiny bit of consideration and attention.
68: You just have to know yourself and know that you won't settle for something half-assed. ... Don't ask indifference to love you. Indifference can go fuck itself. This is your life, and it's going to be big and bright and beautiful.
104: When it comes to love, at least, you must stop being or seeming "better." You need to accept exactly who you are and stop wishing it would change, that you'd be more palatable to the masses.
106: You are going to fall in love with what you have and fall in love with who you are. Do not take the so-called bad or wrong things about you, that boyfriends or men or even women have told you, and try to "get rid" of those things. Put that stuff on the list right next to the stuff you're proud of.
108: You are looking for someone with a taste for you, and nothing less will do.
143: You are here. Sit down. Feel our potential in this moment. You have accepted too little for too long. That is changing today Breathe in. Draw a picture of yourself. Tape it to the wall, with the words "YOU ARE HERE." You are here. Cherish yourself.
160: Stop being grateful for scraps. Everything good in my life has surged forth from one crucial moment or another when I said, "I am not settling for these scraps anymore. I want more than this for myself."
194: Will you get what you want? I don't know, but if I were you I would build it into my belief system. I WILL LIVE THE LIFE I WANT. Maybe you'll have to make adjustments. Maybe you'll have a kid alone or not have a kid at all. Cross that bridge when you come to it, but resolve to cross it with optimism, marching or dancing a little as you go.
It's the only way. Don't lament and worry endlessly. Don't let yourself spin in circles over your dreary big picture. Resolve to do the best you can with what you have.
197: First of all, let's acknowledge that lots of people don't get to third dates these days. Something has gone wrong in the online dating universe lately, and now courting has become this barren landscape of snap judgments, baked by a relentless sun of suspicion and whipped by the prevailing winds of dissatisfaction, until nothing but hostility and disappointment can grow. Instead of looking for areas of connection, people scrutinize each other for flaws.
But people are flawed, the end! You can't be a people without being flawed. Pretending otherwise and looking for perfection in others is a path of self-hatred and delusion and mutual lifelong bullshitting.
254: Stop trying to make sense of things. You can't think your way through this. Open your heart and drink in this glorious day. You are young, and you will find little things that will make you grateful to be alive. Believe in what you love now,with all of your heart, and you will love more and more until everything around you is love. Love yourself now, exactly as sad and scared and flawed as you are, and you will grow up ad live a rich life and show up for other people, and you'll know exactly how big that is.
Fave lines:
66: So this is what I'd advise: three or four dates of rolling with it--not to lure a hapless motherfucker into some elaborate trap, but to protect yourself form feeling like a beggar.
Because you aren't a beggar! You should never feel that way! Even if you feel a little disingenuous saying, "I'm trying to avoid getting too invested over the wrong person," when you feel like you're already in love with the person in front of you, that's okay. You should be more cautious about falling in love too quickly, shouldn't you? You shouldn't invest in the wrong guy prematurely. What if he's kind of a dick on the third date? What if, when you do sleep together, the sex isn't great and it doesn't improve over time? And you're already semi-committed? ... When you know what you want, you have to keep your heart and your eyes wide open. You have to be willing to fall in love, but you also have to be willing to step back and say, "No way, this is not a good choice for me," before it's too late. If you're walking around lamenting all the noncommittal guys,that's going to distract you from the fact that you still get to choose. It's completely natural to think, "Oh my Christ, these guys with their loner bullshit!" It's like noticing that the sky is blue. But don't let that make you forget your value. Don't feel like you're asking permission from someone else just to get a tiny bit of consideration and attention.
68: You just have to know yourself and know that you won't settle for something half-assed. ... Don't ask indifference to love you. Indifference can go fuck itself. This is your life, and it's going to be big and bright and beautiful.
104: When it comes to love, at least, you must stop being or seeming "better." You need to accept exactly who you are and stop wishing it would change, that you'd be more palatable to the masses.
106: You are going to fall in love with what you have and fall in love with who you are. Do not take the so-called bad or wrong things about you, that boyfriends or men or even women have told you, and try to "get rid" of those things. Put that stuff on the list right next to the stuff you're proud of.
108: You are looking for someone with a taste for you, and nothing less will do.
143: You are here. Sit down. Feel our potential in this moment. You have accepted too little for too long. That is changing today Breathe in. Draw a picture of yourself. Tape it to the wall, with the words "YOU ARE HERE." You are here. Cherish yourself.
160: Stop being grateful for scraps. Everything good in my life has surged forth from one crucial moment or another when I said, "I am not settling for these scraps anymore. I want more than this for myself."
194: Will you get what you want? I don't know, but if I were you I would build it into my belief system. I WILL LIVE THE LIFE I WANT. Maybe you'll have to make adjustments. Maybe you'll have a kid alone or not have a kid at all. Cross that bridge when you come to it, but resolve to cross it with optimism, marching or dancing a little as you go.
It's the only way. Don't lament and worry endlessly. Don't let yourself spin in circles over your dreary big picture. Resolve to do the best you can with what you have.
197: First of all, let's acknowledge that lots of people don't get to third dates these days. Something has gone wrong in the online dating universe lately, and now courting has become this barren landscape of snap judgments, baked by a relentless sun of suspicion and whipped by the prevailing winds of dissatisfaction, until nothing but hostility and disappointment can grow. Instead of looking for areas of connection, people scrutinize each other for flaws.
But people are flawed, the end! You can't be a people without being flawed. Pretending otherwise and looking for perfection in others is a path of self-hatred and delusion and mutual lifelong bullshitting.
254: Stop trying to make sense of things. You can't think your way through this. Open your heart and drink in this glorious day. You are young, and you will find little things that will make you grateful to be alive. Believe in what you love now,with all of your heart, and you will love more and more until everything around you is love. Love yourself now, exactly as sad and scared and flawed as you are, and you will grow up ad live a rich life and show up for other people, and you'll know exactly how big that is.