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Reviews tagging 'Body shaming'
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski
13 reviews
alexiconic's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
4.5
what a great, loving, easy-to-read book. it’s a great clarification of how sex works for many people, especially but definitely not just women. its funny, filled with experience (personal and professional) and reassurance that, whatever your body does, unless you are in pain, you’re probably really normal.
i do wish there was a little bit more attention towards other genders (although that may be another book entirely), as i’m still not clear on why in general women experience responsive desire to a larger extent than others. perhaps the details on that are still out.
and i wish there was a bit more development on to how to move on from realizing that - bluntly - you are normal and feeling anger because of the persistent, incorrect and harmful messages around us. like, what do you do with that anger, sadness? how exactly can you process it without becoming stuck in it?
but those are two small things in an otherwise very accessible and well-written book.
i do wish there was a little bit more attention towards other genders (although that may be another book entirely), as i’m still not clear on why in general women experience responsive desire to a larger extent than others. perhaps the details on that are still out.
and i wish there was a bit more development on to how to move on from realizing that - bluntly - you are normal and feeling anger because of the persistent, incorrect and harmful messages around us. like, what do you do with that anger, sadness? how exactly can you process it without becoming stuck in it?
but those are two small things in an otherwise very accessible and well-written book.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body shaming, Misogyny, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Medical content, and Alcohol
carlar's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Reading this book will probably be the first time you hear there is nothing wrong or broken about your sexuality. It’s informative, easy to understand, and has something for everyone.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual content
Minor: Body shaming, Homophobia, Misogyny, Rape, Sexism, Sexual assault, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Stalking, Lesbophobia, and Sexual harassment
takarakei's review against another edition
informative
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny, Sexism, and Sexual content
Moderate: Animal cruelty, Body shaming, Fatphobia, Mental illness, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Gaslighting
Minor: Ableism, Toxic relationship, and Pregnancy
Unfortunately a lot of modern science is based on animal testing/experiments, some of which are described in this bookriverofhorton's review against another edition
challenging
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
3.75
So much of this book is useful... To someone else.
I found I didn't learn a vast amount from this book, and the bits I did learn gave me more of a "Huh, so that answers this personal trauma question", rather than increasing my understanding of sexuality in general.
So many times the book says something, then it'll say "More on that in chapter x." or "Remember this from chapter y?" and it just served as a jolt in the flow.
One of the things I didn't like, and feel I need to mention: This book uses gender where it should be using sex, and woman where it should be using AFAB, etc. I understand that this was likely done to avoid confusing sex the action with sex the characteristic, but it's the kind of thing that I can see affecting other trans masc people more than I. Using gender (and woman) implies that this book would not apply to trans guys, because gender, but it does apply to us (without surgical intervention) because sex.
It does also seem to portray "Don't want/enjoy sex, that's OKay, change the context and you will." Which skirts a little too close to being Acephobic for my comfort. Some people just aren't interested in sex, and that's OKay.
The basic sum, is that this seems to very much be aimed at the cis woman in a heterosexual monogamous relationship seeking to understand her body and sexuality. Which is great for the cishet woman in a mono relationship. And while there are bits that can be applied to folx that don't fit those categories, the lack of inclusive language is noticeable.
Overall, I can see why this book is so popular, and I will be recommending it to others, with the above caveat as needed, but I just didn't get much out of it that I couldn't have got from trauma therapy.
I found I didn't learn a vast amount from this book, and the bits I did learn gave me more of a "Huh, so that answers this personal trauma question", rather than increasing my understanding of sexuality in general.
So many times the book says something, then it'll say "More on that in chapter x." or "Remember this from chapter y?" and it just served as a jolt in the flow.
One of the things I didn't like, and feel I need to mention: This book uses gender where it should be using sex, and woman where it should be using AFAB, etc. I understand that this was likely done to avoid confusing sex the action with sex the characteristic, but it's the kind of thing that I can see affecting other trans masc people more than I. Using gender (and woman) implies that this book would not apply to trans guys, because gender, but it does apply to us (without surgical intervention) because sex.
It does also seem to portray "Don't want/enjoy sex, that's OKay, change the context and you will." Which skirts a little too close to being Acephobic for my comfort. Some people just aren't interested in sex, and that's OKay.
The basic sum, is that this seems to very much be aimed at the cis woman in a heterosexual monogamous relationship seeking to understand her body and sexuality. Which is great for the cishet woman in a mono relationship. And while there are bits that can be applied to folx that don't fit those categories, the lack of inclusive language is noticeable.
Overall, I can see why this book is so popular, and I will be recommending it to others, with the above caveat as needed, but I just didn't get much out of it that I couldn't have got from trauma therapy.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Biphobia, Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Infertility, Infidelity, Mental illness, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Transphobia, Violence, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Stalking, Abortion, Acephobia/Arophobia, Pregnancy, Sexual harassment, Dysphoria, and Injury/Injury detail
pho_ar's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
2.75
I have mixed feelings about this work, let's talk about it- (I listened to the audiobook read by the author and Nicolas Bolton, do reccomend as the method of experiencing this book)
First, let me state that I feel like this work is important and that I do believe it will help women think more about their sexuality and how they express it.
The good stuff:
This was by far the most helpful - The Stress Cycle, learning about it, and how sometimes you put the breaks on releasing that stress and going into freeze actually really helped me to be more intuned with myself.
Nonconcordance, the separating of genital response, and like actual pleasure, I think, is an important message, especially in the context of our society and rape culture
When she describes the many ways to have an orgasm and that no two are the same or better, it is also helpful because I didn't fully know that, and it was interesting to learn the science behind this.
Atttachement styles are also helpful in just reflecting on my own relationships(in general, not just romantic)
Accelerators and Breaks
Learning about desire in general
Grieving what you thought things were supposed to look like(this was in the context of sexuality but she also mentions it in the wider context, which I thought was helpful.
And the overall message of trusting yourself and your sexuality was just good to hear and be reminded of.
The not so good stuff
This book contains a lot of analogies and metaphors and I know it is all in an effort for the science to be more approachable and understandable, but at times I felt as if it muddled the science and it felt like I was being coddled like I was a scared stray kitten. I do acknowledge that some may need that in regards to this topic, though, so I understand it was just a lot for a whole book.
The book does not talk about asexuality, well, not explicitly, and when lack of desire or lack of interest in sex is mentioned, it's more in something that can be improved upon or fixed. I don't think this was done intentionally, but for a book that claims everyone is normal, it makes it feel like asexuality is not. Also, I know I am listening a book about woman sexuality, but that includes asexuality and the expression of that as well.
Also, a lot the topics was focused on couples in more monogamous relationships, which again I understand because sex and sex with two people and that being probably what the author felt to be more helpful but I also wished she talked more about single people or people in less traditional relationships.
All in all, this book had some interesting science and helpful knowledge and people thinking about their sexuality and their partner's sexuality and needs . It's a good start.
First, let me state that I feel like this work is important and that I do believe it will help women think more about their sexuality and how they express it.
The good stuff:
This was by far the most helpful - The Stress Cycle, learning about it, and how sometimes you put the breaks on releasing that stress and going into freeze actually really helped me to be more intuned with myself.
Nonconcordance, the separating of genital response, and like actual pleasure, I think, is an important message, especially in the context of our society and rape culture
When she describes the many ways to have an orgasm and that no two are the same or better, it is also helpful because I didn't fully know that, and it was interesting to learn the science behind this.
Atttachement styles are also helpful in just reflecting on my own relationships(in general, not just romantic)
Accelerators and Breaks
Learning about desire in general
Grieving what you thought things were supposed to look like(this was in the context of sexuality but she also mentions it in the wider context, which I thought was helpful.
And the overall message of trusting yourself and your sexuality was just good to hear and be reminded of.
The not so good stuff
This book contains a lot of analogies and metaphors and I know it is all in an effort for the science to be more approachable and understandable, but at times I felt as if it muddled the science and it felt like I was being coddled like I was a scared stray kitten. I do acknowledge that some may need that in regards to this topic, though, so I understand it was just a lot for a whole book.
The book does not talk about asexuality, well, not explicitly, and when lack of desire or lack of interest in sex is mentioned, it's more in something that can be improved upon or fixed. I don't think this was done intentionally, but for a book that claims everyone is normal, it makes it feel like asexuality is not. Also, I know I am listening a book about woman sexuality, but that includes asexuality and the expression of that as well.
Also, a lot the topics was focused on couples in more monogamous relationships, which again I understand because sex and sex with two people and that being probably what the author felt to be more helpful but I also wished she talked more about single people or people in less traditional relationships.
All in all, this book had some interesting science and helpful knowledge and people thinking about their sexuality and their partner's sexuality and needs . It's a good start.
Content Warnings
Minor: Body shaming, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Rape, Sexual assault, and Sexual violence
bootsmom3's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
lighthearted
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny, Sexism, and Sexual content
Moderate: Animal cruelty, Sexual assault, and Sexual violence
Minor: Body shaming, Medical content, and Medical trauma
mlkai's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
easy to read women’s* sexuality. definitely keeping some of her points in my brain for awhile.
*i will note the research Nagoski references is not inclusive to trans women and nb folks. since she’s pretty research based, some of the “proof” behind her theories also isn’t trans inclusive. but/and/also i do think the theories can translate to trans folks & think they could benefit from this book. really i think most people could benefit, but this book is especially for people with vulvas and people that have sex with people with vulvas.
pt 1 was my favorite. kind of wish the rest has been truncated but that’s ok.
i liked the interspersed stories of the four women, that really added useful context and examples. although, i often couldnt keep track of who was who or what happened in the story previously. also could not for the life of my remember the different between liking wanting and learning which made her later references frustrating bc i didn’t fully get them.
nitpick/formatting thing: the fact that she didn’t use chicago style annotations drove me BONKERS bc i constantly had to go to the end of the book (only to often see it was just a citation w/o commentary —- i created a system quickly but still annoyed me enough to mention in an online review very few ppl will read 😂)
*i will note the research Nagoski references is not inclusive to trans women and nb folks. since she’s pretty research based, some of the “proof” behind her theories also isn’t trans inclusive. but/and/also i do think the theories can translate to trans folks & think they could benefit from this book. really i think most people could benefit, but this book is especially for people with vulvas and people that have sex with people with vulvas.
pt 1 was my favorite. kind of wish the rest has been truncated but that’s ok.
i liked the interspersed stories of the four women, that really added useful context and examples. although, i often couldnt keep track of who was who or what happened in the story previously. also could not for the life of my remember the different between liking wanting and learning which made her later references frustrating bc i didn’t fully get them.
nitpick/formatting thing: the fact that she didn’t use chicago style annotations drove me BONKERS bc i constantly had to go to the end of the book (only to often see it was just a citation w/o commentary —- i created a system quickly but still annoyed me enough to mention in an online review very few ppl will read 😂)
Content Warnings
Moderate: Body shaming and Sexual violence
Minor: Toxic relationship and Stalking
karyan1's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Minor: Body shaming, Mental illness, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Stalking, and Sexual harassment
zombiezami's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
4.0
Most of what's in this book is stuff I knew already. I think this would be more useful for people with more complicated relationships with sex and their bodies. The author's tone is compassionate and knowledgeable, and I'm sure the book has helped and will continue to help lots of people. I wish that the author was more specific about using terms like "cis" and "dfab" since that's the audience she's discussing.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body shaming, Fatphobia, Misogyny, Sexism, Sexual content, Medical content, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Homophobia, Mental illness, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Pregnancy
Minor: Ableism, Cancer, Drug use, Eating disorder, Terminal illness, Death of parent, Alcohol, and War
cis-centrismsakisreads's review against another edition
emotional
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
4.5
THIS WAS ASTONISHING! I felt like I was learning so much throughout the book that left me astounded and with my mouth wide open 😳 The patriarchy really messed us up (as if we didn’t know that already). I especially enjoyed the part that states ‘all the same parts in different ways’.
I wish I’d gotten this in paper form so that I could use the workbook alongside it, but that might be a goal for another day. It’s one to definitely come back to, I don’t think I could tell you all that went down because there was so much information to digest 🥲 I appreciated the ‘tldr’ sections as well 🥰 Big, big fan of this! 👏🏼
I wish I’d gotten this in paper form so that I could use the workbook alongside it, but that might be a goal for another day. It’s one to definitely come back to, I don’t think I could tell you all that went down because there was so much information to digest 🥲 I appreciated the ‘tldr’ sections as well 🥰 Big, big fan of this! 👏🏼
Content Warnings
Moderate: Body shaming, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, and Sexual harassment